A couple full days

The past few days have been very interesting. I have been praying for more of a social life, and BAM! I have three dates lined up for this weekend! Prayer is a powerful thing, and I am realizing this. I prayed for cheddar to come home, and he did. I prayed for direction in my life and my prayers have been answered. I am currently contemplating going back to school in the spring at Cleveland State University. I'm not quite sure which degree I will chose to pursue. I have also been praying for a push in the right direction. I know I will succeed at anything I put my mind to. It's just a big decision. I thought I had a career, It was my niche. Now, for some reason there is obviously a different plan for me. I am confident that I will have the appropriate answer when the time is right. I am exerting all my energy attempting to be patient. I prayed for patience once, and it was by far the worst day of my life. So, needless to say, I will NEVER pray for patience again, so I will just have to learn to be patient in my own time.

A few days ago, I received a surprising phone call. The caller called from an unknown number. Usually I don't answer phone calls from unknown numbers, but for some reason, I answered it. The voice on the other end of the phone said "HI". That's all it took for me to recognize who it was! It was Sister Mcneill! My heart was instantly warmed from the loving familiar voice on the other end. We had a good conversation, and we decided since she was so close to me that we would have lunch. I was tickled pink at the fact that she cares for me so much. I met her and Sister Soleberg at the church. It was then we decided to go back to their house for chocolate pancakes and eggs. We laughed, we cried, we shared good stories, and some not so good stories. Sister McNeill said something to me that broke my heart. She said that the light in my eyes was gone. I figured as much anyways, but hearing it from someone who loves me broke my heart. I want to have my light back so badly. I just know I'm not ready to get back into the swing of things. She made me promise to read a chapter from the BOM and write her a letter about what I thought and how it made me feel. I also promised her that I would heavily consider going to church with her. I told her that I wasn't ready and I wouldn't go unless my heart was into it. I originally got baptized because my heart was in it. I wouldn't have done it any other way. I know you are probably reading this and shaking your head at me, but IF i ever go back to church, it will be because I'm ready, not for anyone else but myself. Sister Titera took a few pictures, of Abi and I, and also Sister Soleberg, Abi, and I. I want a copy of it so I can post it. It was so nice to see her. My heart is warmed every time I talk to her. But, shes still on her mission, and I need to respect the fact that while she doesn't support my lifestyle, she still loves me. I told her that while I was in Utah, I felt like an honorary member of the McNeill family. Abi said, "you still are". I love the love I feel from y'all. Thank you

Living life to the fullest

Today, I woke with a positive attitude, and it set the tone for the day. I decided to deep clean most of my house. I rearranged furniture, cleaned underneath everything, and mopped the floors like 3 times. It feels so nice to be in a clean home. I was once told by my grandmother that cleanliness is next to godliness. It is so wonderful to just sit back and enjoy the hard work I put into cleaning. I love being able to see results.
Lately, I have been praying for a new opportunity to rejoin society. Or a new opportunity for a social life. I think I am ready to get a job or maybe volunteer somewhere. I am getting to the point where I feel like a bum, just sitting around the house. I just watched the movie YES MAN. It was so funny, I love Jim Carrey. The movie was about living life to the fullest. The world should be my playground.Unfortunately, My world has become so small. My house has become my world, and I'm ready to expand and grow!!! I'm ready to experience life again. I'm ready to have a purpose, to be accountable for something. Maybe I'm even ready to love again.

Life is Wonderful

I love this song, and I wanted to share it with y'all. Here are the lyrics, just in case The video doesn't work.

"Life Is Wonderful"

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

La la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Al la la la la

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Ha la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is so full of
Ah la la la la la la life is so rough
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is our love
Ah la la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life is meaningful
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life it is...so... wonderful
It is so meaningful
It is so wonderful
It is meaningful
It is wonderful
It is meaningful
It goes full circle
Wonderful
Meaningful
Full circle
Wonderful

Oh boy am I excited!

This morning, I woke up feeling really sad and lethargic. I was sad because my cat has been missing all week. I was going to try to make myself feel better by getting some exercise in. So, I went out to the garage and began pumping my bike tires up. While pumping my tires, cheddar walks right up to me like nothing ever happened. I of course started to cry because I was almost convinced that he was gone forever, and I was just so happy to see him. I held him in my arms, and listened to him purr. Him coming home was an awesome gift. I have been praying so hard for Cheddar's well being, and for him to come home. And now, here he is, home and healthy. It's those good moments in life that make life worth living. So I still went for a bike ride. I rode up to the Verizon store, and got myself a new blackberry. I'm finally up with the times! The day isn't over yet and I'm feeling pretty good. I guess I just feel like everything is falling into place. Don't you just love those days?

meant for greatness

Life has such an interesting way of unfolding. I am beginning to realize that while I do have my own free will, certain things are meant to happen. I believe life is all about experiencing all it has to offer. Like I said, it is very interesting how people come in and out of your life, at the most perfect times. Someone up there is looking out for me, for sure.

My roommate situation was not working out at all. When your home life sucks, everything sucks. I believe that home should be comfortable. It should be someplace safe. It should be someplace that you want to go to kick back and relax. It should bring feelings of happiness, security, and peace. Unfortunately, my previous roommate made life at home completely unbearable. I take full responsibility for my own actions and emotions. It is difficult to take any more than %50 of responsibility, when another is compromising my sanity. I'm happy to announce that that horrible phase of my life is finally over. Now, that the chains and shackles are completely removed, I feel a sense of freedom. I feel an obligation to myself to get back to that person I was meant to be. I don't want to sound cocky or conceited, but I know I am meant for something extraordinary. I'm now open to the possibility of becoming somebody great. I am ready and waiting for any opportunity to come across my path.

Halloween

I went out to a couple of parties for Halloween. I got all dressed up in my construction gear. I got to dust off my tool belt and dig out some tools to wear. I got out my hardhat, strapped on my timberland boots, and put on a flannel shirt. It felt so good to to put on all my old gear. I felt so proud to sport my Hard Hatted Women gear. It was nice to pretend for a night that I am still a functioning member of society. I am looking forward to the day where I can come home after a hard day's work and be proud of myself and my accomplishments.

More adventure in Gio land.

I love this picture of the sun coming in through the trees.

This is a picture of me, in the State Park South Fork. I was so in awe of the creation.

I was moved by this area of deadening trees.

We came across this patch of deer. It was pretty cool.

This is Steph and I standing by a lake.

This is just an example of some of the beautiful colors that Ohio has to offer in the Autumn.

I have been falling into some pretty cool adventures. We've been to Salt Fork, Cook Forest , Hinkley, and so many other places. I am really lucking out on being able to take such trips. I also feel so lucky to finally be able to enjoy the leaves changing color. I haven't been able to enjoy Autumn in so long. It's amazing to see how gorgeous fall in Ohio is. I love it. Nature always gets me in touch with God.

Hermit Mode

Sorry Ya'll. I have been in hermit mode. I have been isolating myself from the world. I'ts just easier to deal with the world when I turn it off. So, I don't have much to blog about except for the unbearable pain I'm in, or the depression I'm in. Don't worrry Ya'll Im gunna be ok.

Adventures are always fun.

Here are some highlights from the past couple months.

This picture is of this lake in Michigan. There were so many lilly pads. It was gorgeous!


I think this picture is incredible. Its of the moon, my hands werent very steady, but it produced such a cool picture.

My Mother and her husband Blair. It was my mother's 50th birthday, so we went to a hibachi.

This is my sister...uh...I mean my mother and I. This woman could never deny the fact that we are related...dontcha think?

Top left: my father, Middle row from the left: me, my mother, my fathers wife, and Blair...Front row: my mother, my mother's mother (grandma) my sister Leah, and Blair's Mom.

ha ha. Ok so I was trying to be the giraffs head.


Geoffrey getting a new paint job.

More of Geoffrey's makeover.

Geoffrey again...

Another awesome picture of the moon!


I call this place the magic forest, because it is so beautiful that it has to be magical.

This crooked tree caught my attention.

Steph, Andrea, and I went on a random road trip to Salt Fork. Its the most southern point in Ohio. It was so much fun.

On our road trip, we saw the most beautiful fog. It was almost if the fog was a thin blanket over the trees. This picture is of the sun rising. Since I normally don't get to see the sun rise, I thought It was amazing.

This was at our campsite in Michigan. Neo Loves LOVES LOVES camping. Can't you see the smile on his face?

My bigger tent had a rip in it, so we had to purchase a tiny tiny tent. This thing was so small that we couldn't even stand up in it. There was no room for us and the dog. We were so cramped!

Cade lake in Michigan was where we camped in. We stayed right on the river.

This picture is of our canoeing trip. The fallen tree branches were incredible.

This was the Cade Lake Dam. pretty cool lookin eh?

My dog Neo enjoying the day.

This is a picture of the sign where we went canoeing.

awake at 4:30am

It's very difficult to talk about my feelings, but I think these songs sum it all up

This song is called "I Still havent found what I'm looking for:" by U2

I have climbed the highest mountains.

I have run through the fields,

Only to be with you Only to be with you

I have run.

I have crawled,

I have scaled these city walls.

Only to be with you.

But I still haven't found What I'm looking for,

But I still haven't found What I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips, Felt the healing in her fingertips. It burned like fire.

This burning desire,

I have spoke with the tongue of angels,

I have held the hand of a devil,

It was warm in the night,

I was cold as stone,

But I still haven't found What I'm looking for..

But I still haven't found What I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips, Felt the healing in her fingertips,

It burned like fire.

This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels.

I have held the hand of a devil. It was warm in the night

I was cold as a stone,

But I still haven't found What I'm looking for.

But I still haven't found What I'm looking for.

I believe in the Kingdom Come.

Then all the colors will bleed into one.

But yes I'm still running.

You broke the bonds.

You loosened the chains ,

You carried the cross

And my shame, And my shame,

You know I believed it

But I still haven't found What I'm looking for But I still haven't found

What I'm looking for.

I love that song...but there is one more song that I have to put up. It's called I'll Stand By You

Oh why you look so sad

The tears are in your eyes

Come on and come to me now

Don’t be ashamed to cry

Let me see you through

Cause I’ve seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you

You don't know what to do

Nothing you confess

Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you

I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad

Don’t hold it all inside

Come on and talk to me now

Hey, what you got to hide

I get angry too

Well I’m a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads

And don't know which path to choose

Let me come along

Cause even if you're wrong

I’ll stand by you

I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

Take me in into you darkest hour

And I’ll never desert you

I’ll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby

You feeling all alone

You won't be on your own

I’ll stand by you

I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

Take me in into you darkest hour

And I’ll never desert you

I’ll stand by you

I’ll stand by you

I’ll stand by you

This song is dedicated to my friends, all yall!

Thanks for your continued support! I need it.

My birthday camping trip to Cook Forest

These pictures are backwards. This first picture was the last one taken. This picture is the welcome to Ohio sign-which was the last one taken.

The beginning of our canoing trip. We all had so much fun...including the dog!

Before canoing-neo wearing a life jacket.

Me, Stephanie, and Kim

There was this field-it was covered in butterflies! It was awesome.

Lol. me in the tent playing with the flashlight-telling ghost stories

Ok, so there was this pack of bikers who were camping across the way from us. One of the bikers wandered over to our campsite. He was so trashed, he passed out. I thought it would be funny to decorate him with marshmallows. It was so funny, when he woke up-he was such a good sport.

Day 2-we all were sooo tired, including the dog.

Beartown rocks is this awesome rock/plateau thing overlooking the entire forest! We were there around midnight-just looking at the stars. We even saw 4 shooting stars!

Me, Steph, and Kim standing in front of our tent.

We took Neo to the river-he loves the water!

Kim, Neo and I standing in front of the campground sign.

Us being goofy!

Our very wet tent.



It rained all weekend-it was so muddy and our tent leaked! This is a pic of our wet clothes and blankets!

Our first fire!-Thanks Steph!

Wow, what a great weekend! We definitely had our share of mishaps, but it was a great birthday.

Happy Birthday ME!

I am having a birthday this Sunday, August 2nd. I would like to let you all know that this will be my last birthday . I will be turning 29 this year. So, next year, I will NOT be turning 30. Even so, this year for my birthday, I have to live it up! I am going camping in Cook Forest Pennsylvania. I am so excited to go camping and be in the middle of nature. We are totally roughing it, tent camping with no electricity, or bathrooms.! We are even going canoeing down the clarion river! OH YES, and I am bringing Neo (my dog). I love it. So stay tuned to my next blog because it will be filled with pictures, and stories of my camping trip!

Update!

I had to go to the ER yesterday because my throat was swollen shut! I hate being sick!!!!! They gave me some steroids and some anti-inflammatory medication-and I am feeling soooo much better today! Your prayers are being heard-
I wish I had something more exciting to update y'all on, but unfortunately I am living a pretty boring life right now.
Ah, I have been watching a lot of Hanna Montana and the Suite life. Thanks EM. I am officially glued to the Disney channel!!!

Mono

I have Mono! Yuck! I totally havent been feeling well for 2 weeks now. I wasn't sure why I was so tired-but now I know! I haven't really done anything blog worthy, which is why I haven't updated it. I am such a bum! I am however, excited to go to church this week because I havent gone in 2 weeks. So, I need some prayers!!! and I'll try to update my blog more often! Ciao!

Ohio Vs Utah

CLEVELAND------------------------------SALT LAKE
79.9 °F Clear-------------------------------55 °F overcast
Humidity:90%----------------------------Humidity: 0%
Wind: 3.0 mph ---------------------------Wind: 9.5
Wind Gust:6.0 mph ----------------------Wind Gust: 25.4mph
Visibility:10.0 miles ----------------------Visibility 16.9 miles
Clouds:Clear -----------------------------Clouds: scattered
Elevation: 975 ft -------------------------Elevation 4266 ft

The humidity today is out of control! This information was taken at 3pm EST today. I miss Utah, I miss the dry heat, I miss the mountains, I miss the abundance of LDS people, I miss my "new family", I miss my friends, I miss people's manners, I miss not smelling cigarette smoke everywhere, and I miss having the option to go to the temple.

I'm not complaining...I'm just sayin
Don't get me wrong, I love my house, my animals, my new missionary roommates, my family and my friends here in Cleveland. But I do believe that I left my heart in Utah.

This is the Oquirrh Mountain Temple. I went to the open house and it was amazing inside!!!
The angel Moroni is on top of most of our temples. This angel got struck by lightning.

A group of us from the singles ward went into Salt Lake City to see Testaments. Awesome movie! We had such a great time!

This is Desi. She is the horse that I got to ride! I am a cowgirl at heart!

Ahhh, home.

Pure Entertainment

Here's an update on what I have been doing the past few days.......

Emalee and I drove to Provo, UT to go see the BYU's main campus. It is HUMONGOUS!!

Out here in the mountains, the cities and college campuses paint the mountain sides with letters that represent the town. This Y stands for the BYU campus.

In Provo Utah, there is also the MTC, where all the missionaries go learn how to preach the gospel. I wanted to go in, but I guess the Swine Flu was going around inside, so I only got to see the outside! OH BOY!


This is the Provo Utah Temple. So incredibly beautiful.

This is Sister McNeill's BFF here in Grantsville. Her name is Rachael and she picked me up last Sunday for the Singles Ward in Tooele. We instantly hit it off and had loads of fun together! If you are wondering how to pronounce Tooele...it's not Too-elle....its Too-illa. I find it amusing! And the people out here say I have an accent! sheesh!

LOL. This is what happens when a little bit of rain hits the desert... Widespread Panic!

Last night, the Sisters from the Relief Society held a luau. It was loads of fun!

LOL. Ok. The three of us were trying to take a self portrait with my camera...Teresa and I unknowingly smooshed Emalee's head while trying to fit into the picture! Ouch! Sorry EM! lol too funny!

At the Luau, we had a hula hoop contest. No, I didn't win but I had a blast hula hooping with my neck!

I still have another week of adventure here in Grantsville Utah, so keep checking back for updates on my fun vacation!!!!!!