Getting to know me

Why am I the way I am? Here's a basic rundown of the past few years of my life... I had my 3rd and hopefully final back surgery in February. For the past 2 years I have been a prisoner in my own body. I have been incapable of the simple things in life such as: driving, walking, sitting, standing, and even sleeping. I became extremely sad, depressed even. Day after day, month after month, in excruciating pain definitely takes a toll on a persons personality. Feeling sorry for yourself on a daily basis and having to rely on others for basic survival is something no young person should ever have to deal with. Besides the pain, one of my major issues was retaining my friendships and close personal relationships. Unfortunately, some of the people who were in my life at that time, began to emotionally shut me out, one by one. These are the people that I considered to be some of my closest friends. To them, I became an unbearable burden, a boring or mundane chore. I understand that taking care of a disabled person can be trying and difficult, but if you love somebody then shouldn't it make it a little easier? I am forever scarred from this experience. The period of time when I was at my worst, my ex was living with me, and I was scared to ask for anything, even something simple like a glass of water. I was forced to be completely dependant on a person who was annoyed with my every whim. That relationship ended very abruptly. The only person who consistently stood by my side was my mother. My mother is the best mother a girl can ask for. She is an absolutely amazing woman who has grown to be my best friend. She helped me out in more ways that I could ever express in words. I was scheduled for 2 surgeries in February, and I was anxiously anticipating the day where my pain would be lessened. The surgery consisted of implanting a neuro-stimulator on my spinal cord. This device would send electrical impulses, effectively blocking the pain receptors from reaching my brain. The surgery was done in two parts--the first surgery they implanted the wires on my spinal cord and left part of the wires hanging out of my back. It was a trial run that lasted 4 days. The second part of the surgery they completely implanted the device internally. The recovery was extremely painful, but the stimulator was a complete success. The device took about 80% of my nerve pain away. I am happy to say that I am now starting to try to get my life back in order. I am in minimal pain, and my depression is becoming much more manageable and is almost non-existent these days. I am also becoming more and more self-sufficient. I am also ready to begin looking for Mr. Right. So if any of you want to set me up with a handsome, responsible, fun, man...I would be happy to meet him!!!